Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Drunken Tales

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning
by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to
the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring
rain, is asking for a push."Not a chance," says the husband,
"it is three o'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did
you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring
out!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke
down and those two guys helped us? I think you should
help him. You should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes outinto
the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark,"Hello, are
you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes,
please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?"
asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Is this the end?

Monday, September 12, 2005

I was thinking the other day, but fortunately I snapped out of it before it was too late. Boom boom.

Friday, September 02, 2005

I call this flies on lid. I smell a meellion dollarz!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Yup, they found water on Mars....

Sometime ago I was talking about the Hoff well here's an example. I've got a couple more so I'll post them soon.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the little woman about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Yummy! I decided to return with a friend... Sweet dreams y'all!